If you think you harbour resentment against others, read on to learn how you can remove it from your life.
Resentment can harm your health, and create a variety of stress and mental issues. Especially if you struggle daily to remove it from your life. It’s never too late by the way, to reverse whatever resentment habits you present.
In almost every situation on a daily basis, you can choose to focus on what you can control and change instead of adopting a more passive attitude. This means, some situation are out of your control, and shouldn’t resent those who you may disagree with in specific situations, nor hold any resentment for the choices they make which best suit them, but may not suit you. We are all in the end, individuals/ And it’s what makes us human, which allows us to accept that which we can’t control. People being the most.
For as long as I can remember, I always used to put others before me. Wanting to always make others happy and not wanting to offend anyone, I always had to make choices based on how I could keep everyone happy. Even if it meant it would ultimately affect me and my health. As long as everyone around me was happy, then the stress was worth it – right?
Wrong. The problem with wanting to make everyone else happy before putting my happiness first was, I would start resenting the people around me, believing they cared nothing for me or my feelings, and that I must of meant so little to them, that they neither cared how I felt, nor wanted to know. As long as they were getting want they wanted. The problem with this scenario, is you begin to feel used, a little mentally abused and especially taken for granted.
Unfortunately, we live in a narcassistic world. With most being being fairly fairly self involved in themselves, they rarely have time to think of others. Or if they do think of others, too consumed with what is happening around them, they seldom realise the affects they are causing for others around them.
Sound harsh I know, but they are the fact. The society we have created for ourselves, means most of us have the time to spare a thought for the person who is willing to do anything for you, with major sacrifices on how they may affect their health.
It wasn’t until ten years ago, when a family member was seeing a specialist to help them get through a bad break up, and varying other major life changes and they were talking on the phone with me, updating me on how they were going and how their sessions were going, I had a light bulb moment from our conversation. The counsellor had asked them one simple question: “When you are travelling on a plane and the flight attendants are walking all passengers through the pre-flight safety instructions, what is the first step to be taken, in the event the captain releases the oxygen masks’?
Of course if you have travelled in a plane, you will know the answer is: You put on your oxygen mask, before you help others. and this goes for children as well. You must always out your mask on, before assisting your child, or any other person on the plane who is requiring assistance.
This question is also a reflection of life. If you are not running at one hundred percent mentally or physically for that matter, then how are supposed to help others around you. This ultimately means, you should be always putting yourself first, but not in a selfish way. I know this sounds a little contradictary to what I was previously mentioning at the beginning of this blog, on how people around me would always put themselves first at the cost of my mental health. However, being selfish and putting your needs above others is not the same as putting yourself first before then giving to others around you.
So, it’s important to maintain some control over your situation, to prevent you from being bossed around by someone who is putting their needs above you for all the wrong reasons.
Here are a few key factors and concerns related to resentment:
The problem with resentment:
Resentment is the feeling of anger you experience when you accept something you don’t like. In other words, you are putting up with something, a circumstance you might say, which is out of your control, so the resent meant starts to breed within your emotions towards that situation.
Resentment can be linked to chronic disease:
Repressed anger for a long time, has been linked to chronic diseases. With studies across Europe showing how repressed anger can fester in the mind to create increased stressed, which in turns impacts on your immune system, making you more vulnerable to other medical issues.
Identifying repressed anger:
If you are in the habit of repressing your anger, you will find it harder and harder to let go. Life is always about letting go. For it’s when we don’t let go, we start to harbour intense emotions any burying them deep inside us, which in turn causes anxiety, depression and can make you sick.
Here’s how to remove resentment and say goodbye.
- Give yourself permission to say no. It’s okay to say no to people. However, you need to access the situation and make sure saying no is the right answer for you and the person who is asking something you. If you feel you are not capable of adjusting your daily routine for something you feel is not entirely life threatening or vital to the other person, then it’s okay to say no. Every situation is different, so you need to be able to determine what situations called for a yes, and what is okay to say no to.
- Take ownership of your resentment. This means, understand that it is there, and then learn to adjust it and let it go. This will lead you towards a happier path of forgiveness and give you the power to be able to control your emotions even more than before.
Remember, resentment is often caused from feeling anger towards something, someone, or a situation which is out of your control. So the key thing is to remember to take control of your own decisions and do what is right for you and not for others. If people are taking advantage of you, it’s because you are letting them. It’s your life after all.
Again, by practising the methodology of doing what is right for you first and then helping others (such as the oxygen mask on the plane), then you will find a happier place of being able to understand that we are all individuals in this world and we do not control the thoughts and actions of others.
Learning the art of deflection is a powerful thing. This keeps your resentment at bay, reducing your anger, as you begin to accept and controll your own circumstances, but also accept the circumstances of others as well.
What works for you, may not work for others. and visa versa. It’s not selfish to put yourself before others in order to maintain your own stability, and it’s also okay to say no to people if something works for them, but doesn’t work for you. It’s your life not their’s – so control it.