Why I feel more alone than ever this Christmas, compared to other years, and what I mean when I say I am spending another Christmas alone.
Despite being surrounded my partner’s family at home, I have never felt more alone this year for Christmas, with no access to being able to spend quality time with my dad and brother.
With my dad living in Tenerife, which is in the Canary Islands, and my brother living in Liverpool, UK, and the continuing COVID issues and lockdowns over then last two years, I haven’t seen them for a really long time. And with each passing year, it’s getting harder and harder to be away from them.
It could be an age things, as let’s be honest, we aren’t getting any younger, as then saying goes. So, with each passing year, it is becoming more and more difficult.
There is nothing more I’d like to do, is to hop on a plane and go spend some quality time with them. And for sure, I know I am not the only one either. How exhausting, frustrating and emotional is it? For anyone reading this and understanding what I am going through.
you can be surrounded by a thousand people and still feel alone, and that’s how I feel this Christmas. But it’s not all doom and gloom. It is my favourite time of the year, despite the heat we always get at Christmas here in Australia (Sydney specifically), I love the vibes of Christmas Eve with all the twinkling lights, and of course all the delicious food you eat on the actual day as well.
But the loneliness still looms ever so slightly over my head, like a halo of an angel. I can’t help but wonder how my dad and brother are doing, and wish I could be celebrating the season with them. Though my brother could easily take it or leave it when it comes to Christmas, LOL. I know when I celebrate it with him, he enjoys it. And my dad, well I inherited the festive love of the season from both he and my late mother.
Making me 100 percent festive, instead of just a usual 50 percent that most people get. Or perhaps I am speaking out of terms there and everyone is feeling they are 100 percent festive HAHA. Most people I speak to, come from joint feeling household, where there is at least one parent, who like my brother could take it or leave it.
My Christmas wish this year would have been for COVID to go away, along with all lockdowns and mandates, and handy little airline ticket in my hands, to take me away to go be with my dad and my brother for the season. Oh, and my partner would obviously be with me as well.
It feels like a lifetime ago, in 2015 we travelled to the UK for the Christmas season, and it was absolutely amazing to be amongst an entirely different culture of sorts, where all the streets are lined with lights, cities are decked with multiple Christmas trees. And pubs are playing Christmas tunes all through the night.
It was the most magical experience to have, and I wish Australia would adopt some of this traditions.
In-fact this is probably why I enjoy Christmas Eve more than the Day, as it’s night, a lot cooler than the following day, and all the lights are on and twinkling and the vibes in the air are extra festive, compared to the following day.
But to spend Christmas with my dad and my brother would have been amazing this year, as it’s been far too long since I have seen them. And with dad not getting any younger specifically (obviously) more than myself and my brother, each passing year get’s harder and harder not to be with him and spend Christmas with him.
So, although I will make the most of it, and of course I will not let it get me down, this is by far the most lonely I have ever felt at Christmas, being so far from them.
The only comfort I take in this moment of angst (sort of) is that I am not alone. So many people around the world, and especially here in Australia, as we are so far from everyone, families are still separated, two years on from the onset of this pandemic. The frustration is real and the feeling are overwhelming.
If you are feeling the same though, remember, Christmas is what you make of it, and you can find some sort of comfort in the small things, like time with pets, friends, extended family. And always remember (which I remind myself daily of), you are not alone, despite how you feel. We are all feeling it. It is Christmas after all. And what is Christmas without all the crazy emotions that go with it. Right?
Merry Christmas X